Angela’s Brave Story
Even as a young girl, I always knew that being a Mom was the most important job that I would ever have. After falling in love with my husband, John and marrying him in 1998, we began to build our beautiful family. Our first son, Sean was born in 2000 and our second son, Connor was born in 2001. In 2002 we moved to Wisconsin and in 2005 we purchased our Grafton home where I planned to put down roots and fill it to the roof with love and memories.
From the time that our boys were very young my husband has worked in sales as a Midwest sales representative, which requires him to travel quite often, leaving me as the primary day to day care giver to our kids. I was happy to step into the role and I loved volunteering to serve as room mom, field trip chaperone and even as a den leader in Cub Scouts. I spent countless hours at football practice, lacrosse games and hockey rinks with Connor. In addition to the hours spent at both group and private therapy sessions with Sean, who is on the Autism spectrum, all while continuing to work at my job in healthcare. Like every family, we had our struggles, but John and I always put our family first in every decision that we made.
In high school, Sean discovered his passion for coding video games, earned a summer internship at Roblox in California right after graduation and decided to pursue a bachelors degree in video game development at MATC. Connor, who loved playing sports when he was younger, found his true love in music and was a very talented, self-taught guitar player. Connor also loved computers, gaming, skateboarding and the California sunshine. He had been accepted to UW Milwaukee where he planned to pursue his degree in Computer Science, but we knew he would eventually leave us behind and move to California.
Connor Harvey
A favorite photo, in the California sunshine.
John and I have always encouraged our boys to be exactly who they are and we made sure they knew that they would be loved and treasured, no matter what. We kept this promise, as Sean confided in us that he is pansexual and also trans-gender. We have stepped up and unconditionally supported our child as she transitions from our sweet boy, Sean into our beautiful daughter, Lin.
Then, on May 26, 2021 our entire world crumbled. I got out of bed that day feeling like something was wrong, but not knowing what. As I went downstairs at 5am to start my morning workout, I discovered that during the night Connor had decided that it was his time to leave this earth and he had ended his own life. While we knew that he had always struggled with his self-confidence and that he was unhappy living at home, we had absolutely no indication that this was coming. Our family was completely shocked and completely devastated.
Even now, 2 ½ years later, it doesn’t seem possible that this could possibly be our reality. How could this possibly be real and how could I have been so blind that I did not see it coming? There was no note … no text … nothing of any kind that could possibly make us understand why he ever would have made this choice while we were sleeping upstairs. I am his mother. My only job in this world is to keep my children safe, and I have clearly failed miserably. I failed at the only thing in my life that ever even mattered.
The Harvey Family
The last family photo we would take where we were all together.
The next few weeks were like sleep walking through a fog. No mother should ever have to plan her child’s funeral, write their obituary and make decisions regarding to what their final wishes would have been. Once the services were over, and all of the family and friends had returned to their homes, John and I were forced to try to find a way forward. As we both returned to work, we struggled with being in our home offices, which were both located in the basement of our home. After a few weeks, John sat me down and explained that he could no longer function in our home, due to what happened there, and that he needed for us to move. This is not what I wanted. I wanted to stay in the home where we had made all of those happy memories and bury myself in the memories of my sweet boy. Eventually, I did agree to sell our home in Grafton and move to West Bend, for my husband’s mental health and healing.
For the past 2 years, I have been sitting in our rental property in West Bend, and I have no idea who I am anymore. I went from a happy mom of 2 boys that both had exciting plans for their futures, living in a home and community that I loved, getting ready to help my youngest son move into his first college dorm and looking forward to my future roles as mother of the groom and eventually grandma. Now it is all gone. I have no sons, no home, no future role as grandmother. We lost so much more that day than we ever could have realized at first. We lost friends, connections with family members and the entire community that we raised our children in and loved. I live in a dark world filled with anxiety and depression and I actively avoid going anywhere near our old neighborhood in Grafton and my little house that now has a different family living in it. I am a stranger, even to myself, living in a world that I don’t recognize.
It took 2 years after losing Connor for me to feel strong enough to join a support group for bereaved moms. For the first few gatherings, I could do nothing more than sit in my seat and cry, but I kept going. Thanks to that group, I attended a Bereaved Mothers Day Event hosted by Bereaved Together, Inc. I felt pulled to introduce myself to co-founder, Lisa Price that day and to let her know that I was looking for ways to honor my son and I would be happy to discuss any volunteer opportunities that her organization may have available. Since then, I have attended several other Bereaved Together events and I have volunteered to help as an admin of their Facebook page.
“I am BRAVE because…
I continue to work my way forward while honoring my son and helping others along the way.
I finally feel like I am finding my voice again and I am looking for my path for the future. I have been an on-line health and wellness Coach for the past 4 years, but lost a lot of momentum when we lost Connor. I am so grateful for the community that I have helped to build as they have been such a source of support and positivity as I move through this journey. I am now working to rebuild and grow my business so that I can eventually leave my full time job in healthcare and have more time for volunteering. I would like to find more ways to honor Connor and to help other parents who share our story to find their voices and to find their way forward in a world that they never wanted to be a part of.
- Angela Harvey -